May You Always Do for Others and Let Others Do for You…

“Connection:  the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgement; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”  Brene Brown

I am not known to ask for help very often.  It always seems less shaming to  try to fix the problem quietly on the side than to open up and ask for help.  But as I start to unravel myself, I realize these thoughts don’t get me anywhere.  My thinking that I should have it all together by this age/stage is bullshit.  Guess what?  I don’t have it all together.  In fact, I have so little together right now, it’s a little laughable.

This line in the book, “Rising Strong” has glued itself to me lately.  “The bottom line is that we need each other.  And not just the civilized, proper, convenient kind of need.  Not one of us gets through this life without expressing desperate, messy, and uncivilized need.”

So, here I am.  At another level of courage that feels like rocks in my shoes and bleeding hangnails.  I am sitting at the beginning of many unknowns.  And I am asking for help to start the path.  Money is just a thing, but what a thing it is.  Until we can pay for medical bills and rent with prayers and love, we will need money.  And since I am relying on myself for financial means, my boat is temporarily without a motor.

Here is my request and formulated plan for what the gifted funds will go to:

*My cancer treatments and supplements are the heaviest cost, and in order to keep up my healing progress, those bills are sticking around.  Andrew has generously offered to pay for a portion of them.  I would appreciate being able to cover the remainder so I don’t skip a beat.

*I am currently staying with my parents.  They live in a 55 and older community, and while I may act like a 55-year-old lately, I am not.  I will be looking for a place for the girls and myself so my parents can get on with their retired life and we can start ours.  Because of my treatments, I am not able to get a usual job.  So, I will be trying to get work from home as soon as I am able.

*We will need a car.  Nothing fancy, but a weather sturdy vehicle to get the girls to school and the grocery store.

I am taking responsibility for the choices I’ve made that have led me to this moment and working on those broken pieces.  I will also be working my ass off as much as I can, from healing to recalibrating my new life to parenting.  And when my body has the energy and ability, I will be setting financial and work goals to accommodate my bills and needs on my own.  My goal is to be working by June.

It isn’t flowery and pretty, but it is honest.  The courage needed to ask for this help makes me feel raw and vulnerable, but it is these emotions that make me feel like I am being honest.  Your gifting to our family will be gratefully accepted and used.  All your prayers and love and emotional support are also gratefully accepted and used.  Each goes into a needed bank account, whether physical or spiritual.

My end game is to use my healing as a platform for others to feel support in their time of need.  Asking for help and gifting help is a continual cycle and I will be using your love and support to “pay it forward.”  Much love and light to you, Brita

To donate, here is a link to a Go Fund Me account set up by a very dear friend.  Thank you